Come - Day 12

I am in a season of life where it is really difficult to call myself a Christian.

I love my faith, truly and deeply. In the scary and the beautiful , God has been faithful. The peace and joy and wonder I experience is both supportive and challenging.

But the church makes me angry.

I don't mean any specific church. In fact, the churches I have been part of, on the whole, have been wonderful. But I look at the state of the universal church, the way Christians have responded to terrorism, refugees, orphans, world hunger, and it makes me not want to be associated with them.

In light of the attacks on Paris, the overwhelming majority of social media posts I saw were hateful and angry. Some were angry at the terrorists, which was valid, but the anger was so widely directed that it attacked innocent Muslims as much as the extremists. More were angry at the media, that Paris received so much press, even as terrible things were happening in Japan, Beirut, and Baghdad. For days the social media wars raged. My social media circles are predominately Christian, and I was outraged at how little support and love was shown towards the attacked, in any location. It became a storm of opinions and debate, making these tragedies about our social and political agendas instead of about the victims.

In response to the Syrian refugees... I know these people exist, I see their presence everywhere, but I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that there are people who sincerely believe refugees are a danger to us. That there are otherwise intelligent, compassionate, good people who see these hurting and desperate people as a danger to us and our home.

More and more, my heart aches for the number of orphans and children who belong to the state. I will likely talk about this at length in another post, but the percentages are startling. I hear recently that if one family in every three local churches adopted a child from the foster care system, there would be no more children in foster care. Can you wrap your mind around that for a second? If the church opened its arms to the orphans, as Christ specifically commanded, we could feasibly eradicate the need for children to live without permanent families. It doesn't even have to be every family. Not even every church, One church out of three - one family from one church out of three. How simple is that?

World hunger is a more complicated problem, I fully acknowledge. But it has been so frustrating to watch. Working with campus ministries, both years I suggested sponsoring a child as floor. Lots of CMCs did. Most times it failed - college kids couldn't consistently find the money to provide food and schooling for a kid overseas. But we managed our Taco Bell runs... I am 100% guilty of this, please don't hear me sounding holier-than-thou.

Those are strong statements. I don't like them. They make my heart weary and my soul hurt. But they are statements I feel deeply. I feel them so strongly because I love the church. The church is the Bride, the Body of Christ, members of the kingdom that is already but not yet. It is the reflection of eternity. At least we are meant to be. That is why these inconsistencies and acts of hatred cause me so much despair.

I originally wrote this post at the very beginning of 25 Days for Peace. After the things God has taught me through this journey, I am still disheartened, but not without hope. God is working, he is still sovereign even when his people fail. Even when I fail. If you take anything from this post, I hope it is this: People of God, our family needs prayer. We need revolution and renewed dependence on the grace of our Savior.

Come, Emmanuel, please come soon.

25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.