Change - Day 3

"You can't control how others behave - you can only control how you respond."

This is one of many "Brenda-isms" that filled my childhood. My mom is a wonderfully compassionate and level-headed person, who did her best to instill a sense of optimistic realism in my siblings and I. Other golden phrases include "happiness is a choice", "now, this is a life lesson, so I'm going to tell you even though you don't want to hear it...", and "you're right, life isn't fair." Brenda is a very wise woman.

Regulating my response to other's behavior became a guiding factor in my life. Especially as a teenager, I couldn't quite grasp why my peers were so affronted by so many things. Controlling your response was easy, I thought, so why did people get so angry?

As I've grown up, though, I've gotten things a little bit twisted. I'm still good at controlling my response, most of the time. But now the thing that makes me most angry? When other people can't seem to do the same. When the response to difference or tragedy is divisions and hate I find myself outraged. Why can't we be better? Why can't we be smarter, kinder, gentler, more peaceful?

I wish we could realize change has to begin with us. I wish I could realize the change has to begin with me.

We can rage at politicians and pastors and teachers and universities and social media activists and other religions for not fixing the problems of the world, but we can't control them. We can't influence every person to think and act the way we do - as much as we seem to try. We expect so much more out of others than we do out of ourselves. I expect more out of you than I do out of me.

All you can do is change you. All I can do is change me.

In response to the San Bernardino shooting, and other recent tragedies, what do we do? Perhaps hypocritically, I suggest staying off social media. Tweeting your support for victims is a nice gesture, for sure, but maybe before, take some time to stop and pray. Serious, heart-wrenching prayer. Ask that scary thing of God, that he would break your heart for what breaks his. For me, this means staying off social media not because I'm tempted to comment, but I am so easily outraged by what I see. More about that another day.

I will probably say a lot of things over the course of this experiment that sound judgmental, condescending, arrogant, prideful, or holier-than-thou. I know myself well enough to admit that. But what I most need to realize is that making peace with the world around me means creating peace within myself, and loving the very people who so outrage me.



25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.