Love...

Love is when they spit on you, turn you away, laugh in your face, ignore you, insult you, and you still look at them and say "You still mean the world to me."

I wondered once at an unfortunate conversation with a friend from school. She was going through an incredibly tough thing, one of those things that forever affects your life and the way you look at the world. I remember spouting a few cliche comments about things getting better, God has control, His plan is the best one, and all of that, but at least in my mind it all sounded hollow. I really felt no sympathy for her or her situation. I desperately wanted to! I wanted to feel for her, but all I felt was guilty as I walked away from her. Upon reflection, I recalled how another friend came to me with a problem. That time, however, it was a boy from church instead of a girl from school. His problem was difficult, but not so much as my girl friend. He I cried for, spent hours talking to and praying for. I still ache inside thinking about the pain and frustration in his voice when he spilled his heart out to me..

Why?

Why did I feel for him and not for her? I talked through the confusion with my mother, and she just said:

"Because you love him."

No, not romantically, not in the slightest. But yes, I realized, it was because I love him. He's my brother, we have a strong bond in shared experience in Christ. Not to say that my girl friend and I don't share the bond of Christ, because we do, but up to this point it's all just knowledge on that front. Figuratively speaking, there's no blood bonding us yet. But this friend, this brother, even when he makes a bad decision, or does something stupid, or blows me off, he's my brother and I love him. And that's why when my girl friend came to me I didn't have anything to offer, there was nothing invested there. Because as much as I wanted to care about her hurt, those feelings don't come naturally like they do when one of my brothers comes to me.

Because as much as I CARE, I did not LOVE.

*And here's the disclaimer. This point has nothing to do with the way people should treat each other. I know that the love I feel for my close brothers and sisters should not outweigh the love I should feel for everyone God has created. This is just something I'm working through, and I thought I would share it, on the off chance that someone else might learn from me and my mistakes*