Scars

Scars always have stories, don't they? They're tales told through marred tissue. I don't have many myself; one on my elbow from teaching myself to ride a bike when I was 10, a number of small ovals on my legs from not paying attention while shaving, a new one I got this past week learning how to kneeboard when I faceplanted and somehow cut my stomach on the edge of the board, a prick from a needle when I was in preschool, a half moon on my wrist when my friend tripped me and I landed in an ant hill. None of these are interesting stories, I know, but most people have fun or scary stories behind their scars, don't you?

Think about the moments before you got those physical scars. When your bike hit the rock and you lost control. When the branch swayed beneath you and you knew it  wouldn't hold anymore. When the ball is speeding towards your face and you don't have time to duck. Did you think about what could happen next? Did you think about the scar it was going to leave?

Maybe that's why internal scars are so much more fascinating and important to me. Because the things that wound us emtionally scar our personalities. Me? I put so much stock in what other people saw in me that I could no longer find value in myself. Now I don't have close relationships with people until they prove that they like me for me. I wanted a guy that didn't even really know that I was there. It convinced me for a long time that no guy was ever going to like me more than just 'one of the guys'. I ran away from meaningful relationships for so long that now I cling to the ones I have. A little less dramatic, I misunderstood the directions when I went tubing for the first time in middle school, got dragged under water for several minutes, and now I'm scared to death of water recreation

Can you identify those before moments when it comes to emotional scars? Can you see the destruction before it happens? I think I'm learning that... I know my connections with select friends are going to hurt like none other when I go off to college and have to leave them behind. Not because I'm severing the ties, but because they mean so much to me that I'll be afraid to make new real friendships in college. I know my dependence on other people to make me feel better when I'm sad, scared, or lost will hurt me someday. And a hundred other little things that I know I do that are going to hurt me sometime.

But that's life, isn't it? Sometimes we jump in headfirst, because we can, because we're human. We know it's not safe, not right, not healthy for heaven's sake! But we do it anyway. We live our lifes with people, even though people hurt us. We take chances in life. We risk being shot down and just say what's in our hearts because sometimes it's worth it. Most of the time we get hurt. Most of the time we end up with a scar that means we learned our lesson. But sometimes... There's someone who loves our scars. Someone who accepts them and loves you more for them.

That's why we do it. Because out of every hundred times you jump off the edge, there's that one time that someone catches you, that makes it worth the ninety nine scars you earned from taking the risks.