Five Years

Hi my friends; its been a minute hasn't it?

I don't know if I've ever written as much as I did in the months between April and December 2015. I wrote 47 posts in 2015, outstripping any other year in the short history of my blog, with 2011 coming in a distant second place with 17 posts. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful and crazy year, which led me to value this space in a whole new way. Thank you, my few followers, for taking part in this journey with me. This blog, first under the name Blood of the Bread and then later as Adoxography, has been a part of my life for 5 years today.

Adoxography is about to take on a whole new set of changes and I hope you'll continue to tag along with me.

As I head towards the end of my undergraduate years, part of my senior seminar requires us to create an online portfolio. This functions as both a record for the university of all we have learned as well as a tool for us to network with potential employers. As I'm working to set up my portfolio, I realized how much easier it would be to work my blog and my professional page from the same website. As much I have dearly loved Blogger and the tools it has given me to communicate, I'm ready for something new, and so is Adoxography. Nothing much will change, most likely, from your point of view. It will still be my random thoughts, musings, projects, and speculations without much consistency. It will just be happening under a domain that I didn't create when I was 16 (in case any of you wondered where crucifiedhimandthefight came from, blame a band name generator and too much Mountain Dew at a youth group function).

If you want to follow my thoughts, they'll be occupying a space at WordPress.com called Philathist's Adoxography. Before you think I'm too pretentious, Adoxography.wordpress.com was taken, so I needed to add to it. As I think you guys know, adoxography means "A beautiful writing on a topic of little to no importance", which has been an apt name for my collection of flowery words. Philathist just means "lover of truth". Perhaps a weird combination, but it feels very fitting while I continue to search for honesty and truth while (hopefully) maintaining the humility of knowing that my thoughts are not the most important ones on any subject.

As always, thank you for staying with me on this journey, and I hope you still will. Grace and Peace.

Legacy - Day 25

I love Christmas at my grandparents' home. Sitting by the fire drinking coffee while we open gifts, with a dog curled up at my feet or on my lap, it's a beautiful and cozy part of Christmas tradition. Over the course of my childhood, there have been any numbers of faces at Christmas morning, not all of them family. Any number of neighbors and friends and acquaintances have joined us, really anyone my grandparents heard needed someone to spend Christmas with was welcome. There have been moments, growing up, that I resented it. I like our family, and outsiders felt like intruders. But the older I get, the more I cherish the unrelated faces at Christmas, at Easter, at Thanksgiving, at Sunday dinners. Without saying much outright, my grandparents have lived the Gospel for their children, and now us grandkids, by making it clear that any and all are welcome in the family of God. I see it in the lives of my parents and aunts and uncles - my own parents always taught us that family was as much about who you chose to love as who was related by blood. 

People are drawn to my grandparents' home because of the peace found there. Grama and Grandpa's home is a place where there are usually cookies and always a listening ear along with plenty of wisdom. They don't just talk about loving and serving, but exist in it - welcoming family and strangers equally, no matter how many times they've been hurt. 

My grandparents live the meaning of Christmas, of peace - welcoming the stranger, embracing them as they would the Christ child. This is their legacy, more than anything, and I cannot be more thankful. 

As I finish this project, I wanna say thank you, for sticking with me. Whether you read every day or just this one, thank you for participating in our journey. Nothing about this was what I expected, and I'm really glad God brought me to it.

Until the New Year - grace and peace to you all, and Merry Christmas.

Lessons - Day 22

I've been trying to figure out why God put me on this journey at this point in my life. I've mentioned in previous posts how peace has not really been one of the guiding themes of my life recently. I have struggled this whole project to see why it is God brought me here.

This afternoon I was chatting with my mom. Whining, really. I was just feeling a little down. Mom apologized, said she felt like being home had caused me a lot of tension and distress. I was surprised. I hadn't felt that way at all! She said she hadn't been feeling much peace these last weeks, and we started talking through some of those reasons. I reflected a bit and was surprised to see how unsettled I should be feeling. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life at this moment, lots of things that in years past would have sent me into an emotional downward spiral. But I'm actually ok. Not over the moon, not bouncing off the walls - I'm ok. I'm calm.

I think God put me on this path because he knew what these weeks would hold. Lots of stress and uncertainty, lots of tension and busyness, all the things that make me unbalanced. He knew that I needed to search for lessons about peace every day, because my daily life would not hold a whole lot of peace easily found.

God knew I needed peace in these days, and that I wouldn't look for it without this project. So thank you Josh, for the invitation, and thank you to the other contributors, for being sources of peace and blessings in my life even though I haven't met most of you.

Today's lesson: God knows what I need, especially when I don't.

25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.

Cookies - Day 21

I am a people pleaser. I want people around me to be happy and to get along with each other. I hate conflict, I hate tension, I hate raised voices, and I hate irritated silences.

I like keeping the peace.

Today my mom and sister and I baked Christmas cookies. It's just one of those things that never goes off quite as magically as it does in Mom's Hallmark movies. My family does a lot of things well, but for some reason the mixture of my need for control, my sister's excessively apologetic nature, Mom's holiday stress, and our small kitchen just really does not create a fun baking atmosphere. We gave it our best shot, we really did. At any one time, two out of the three of us were trying really hard to have a great attitude and have fun, but inevitably something would go wrong - too many nuts in the wedding cookies, a piece of advice not well received, or making way too much icing - and tension would ensue.

I hit my breaking point at about 6:30. It felt like I'd been trying to hold it together all day, and then realized I'd made a mistake and it all fell apart. I stood there trying not to cry while I attempted to force terrible icing into a piping bag. I explained to Mom that I felt like I'd been trying to make everyone happy all day and I was failing miserably. She was of course wonderful, and thanked me for  all the helpful things I had done, but I didn't really feel better. Even now, I have a headache from holding the tears back for so long.

But not until I stopped to write this did I realize, I really can't keep the peace at all.

My small human efforts will fall short. As much as I want everyone to be happy and for everyone to get along beautifully, it is not in my control. I will put too many nuts in the cookies. Bit will apologize one too many times and I will snap at her (even though I have the exact same tendency). I will try and try and try to have it all together, and it will still fall apart.

Because it really isn't up to me. It's in his control.

God has a plan for the great days and the terrible ones, and the ones like today too. He is working our world toward a greater peace. One that doesn't rely on me making everyone happy or remembering not to make more icing.

Thank God for that.


25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.

A Prayer - Day 19

Heavenly Father,

In this season, we search for peace. We look for it amid the crowds and the noise, and it's so easy to get lost.

God, we ask that you would invade our noisy lives with peace that comes only from you.

We love you.

Amen.

Childish - Day 18

Today has been hard. I found myself running from one place to the next all day - good things, things I was happy to be doing, but a stressful day. The pre-Christmas tensions are on the rise in our house. Dad's job is stressful, Carter had exams, Bit overwhelmed by the school/sports/friends/holiday balancing act, Mom is working plus planning all things Christmas, I just finished semester and now I'm trying to finish my application for graduate school, and even Frodo is sick and lethargic.

In the middle of everything, I kept searching for a calm spot to rest. When I wanted to snap at family members or cry from stress, I found myself stopping to pray instead. Little things, nothing profound.

Father, give Mom some peace and assurance today.

Lord, comfort Daddy please.

Jesus, give my baby sister some clarity.

Spirit, guide Cy through his day.

God, please help Frodo get better.

Dear Lord, please help me keep it together. 

See, just little prayers. Childish ones, in the best way. It made a difference. I found some rest in him, and then joy in the day. I spent hours working on a gift for Carter, helped Mom shop and get ready for her show, and made my favorite soup for dinner.

Today I learned peace can be found when I remember to lean on God like I did as a child. With simple prayers and a trusting spirit, even hard days have some peace and joy because God is still God.

25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.

Happy Place - Day 16

This is my happy place.

As a general rule, I find my happy place to be associated with a person or group of people rather than a particular place - home is where the heart is and all that. But I am an introvert, and sometimes even my favorite people in the world tire me out. Then, if I can, I come here, this spot in the library. There are these seventies style chairs, super low to the ground and awkwardly wide, with horrible beige and blue patterned fabric, positioned next to some windows overlooking the mall (HU-speak for the long center drag of campus). There's an ottoman that's the perfect height for my laptop, so I tuck my legs underneath me and use it as a desk. There's always a power strip within reach, and a side table for my study snacks. I take breaks to wander through the shelves. My particular favorite section is a collection of animation books full of concept art for Pixar movies and Studio Ghibli films. My spot is on the second floor, so even during finals week when the library is comparatively full of students, I usually have most (if not all) of the level to myself. I get to observe campus, feel like I'm part of it, without having to actually talk to anyone. Today I came up here with my lunch and just watched youtube videos for a while, because I needed a break. (Adjusting back into campus life after six months of comparative solitude is kind of an introvert's worst case scenario.)

I'm at peace here.

God and I have had some of our best talks in these awful chairs. I've spent days combing through theology texts next to these windows. With my laptop and surrounded by books, I can do anything. 

25 Days for Peace is a cooperative blogging experiment between myself and five other artists, designed to explore the facets of peace, particularly centered around this season intended to experience the peace of Christ. Visit this page to see the other contributions to this journey, and like it to join with us in exploring what peace means.