Depaysement

A more internship-centered post today.

Is it the nature of home that we don't fully appreciate it until we're not there? Now that's a sappy and unquestionably dramatic question. But it's what was on my mind last night, as I sat on the floor of the auditorium to rest my legs, watching the lights swirl as the band played and the students sang. The speakers had been brilliant, the music was excellent, and the atmosphere sparkled with energy despite the fact that most of the students had been working in the 90 degree heat since early that morning. I was exhausted. I hadn't slept well, and I'd been on my feet and surrounded by people for hours - not ideal for the introvert, as much as I'd enjoyed myself.

But suddenly, I realized I was comfortable.

Not physically. My legs ached and my head was pounding and that Sprite had not settled well in my empty stomach. But relationally, I suppose? I was leaning up against the back wall of the auditorium, between my fellow intern Matt and one of the pastors. We'd been joking about something a few minutes before. Matt leaned over to show me something on his phone. I rolled my eyes, but laughed anyway. My responsibility - getting the speakers set up with mics and notes, getting them from their seats to the stage, and making sure they knew how much time they had to speak - was over for the night, and I was just waiting for the night to be over so we could clean up and go home. I was finally relaxed in this space, for probably the first time since I'd arrived in Columbus. I knew what was expected of me and how to accomplish it. More surprisingly, I knew how to ask for help and how to interact with people I barely knew ten days ago. It was a weird feeling.

That comfort made me miss home.

It doesn't make sense to me. I had found my footing, and suddenly all I wanted to was to take this moment and bring it back with me. I wanted to be in my living room, rambling about it in a way that only made sense to us with my mom. I wanted to try and express it to my friends, knowing that even if my words didn't quite make sense, my excitement would bring them joy. I wanted to take this experience and use it somehow to make my homes a better place. Even in this beginning stage of my experience, I'm seeing the ways that being here will make me more effective there. Ways that I'll be a better daughter, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better leader, a better mentor, a better theologian, a better servant. Already, I'm straining to be back because I have so much to share. Now that I'm here, I see how important and valuable and influential those places I love so much are.

I'm starting to like it here, and even that makes me eager to be home.



depaysement
n. when someone is taken out of their old world and put into a new one