Scripturient

I haven't felt the urge to write in a very, very long time. Kind of like the stories had dried up. But suddenly, now as so many things are changing and by all accounts I should be drowning, the urge is back - the need to document, to share, to express.

I stumbled upon some old poetry I had posted on my Facebook, and while I was definitely a little embarrassed by the dramatics of them, I also loved seeing who I was then. I tell the stories of that part of my life, the darkness and pain and fear, but six years later, it gets harder and harder to believe that it was real. Seeing those words on the screen attesting to the fact that those emotions were real in my life, if not at the time of the post then months before, is chilling. Along with that comes the comments I found underneath each piece, the compliments on my writing style and my talent and every so often, a very concerned friend who could actually see what was happening - a friend that I continued to push away.

From there I came back to this blog. I am amazed by the thoughts and feelings I had even a year ago that surfaced here. Patterns of behavior that I have only recently identified are so obvious now! Key moments that would drastically affect my life months and years later are documented so plainly, how did I miss them? This blog also documents a journey; scattered pieces of a much more complex path. I can relive the thoughts and emotions I had at different stages of my life, almost as if to reaffirm that they were indeed real. The older I get and the farther I travel from the now-infamous girl with too-heavy bangs and far too much black makeup the easier it is to forget her. To forget her as well as the girl who just wanted to stay in high school, or the girl who thought adolescence would forever define her, or the girl who felt irrevocably connected to people and places that are now so far away from this girl who sits here now, typing away in her dorm room.

The older I get the farther away all those girls seem, and the more important they become. Because without each of them, I wouldn't be this girl.

Scripturient: (adj) possessing the violent desire to write.